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Rejection....

We all (almost all)  want to feel loved and have harmonious relationship with our surroundings, yet we all had to deal with rejection at some point of our lives.

It sucks and it’s very hard! 

Rejection can be very clear and obvious( break ups -a job refusal - a blunt NO especially with the apps era), but it can also be very subtle ( a partner refusal for intimacy - a friend’s refusal for an activity - …)

Rejection makes us feel alone - not good enough - not worthy. The impact on our behaviour might be significant especially if we have  a personal history with childhood rejections.

Rejection destabilizes our need to feel that we are ”a part of “which is a fundamental need we all have as social animals - We like to have territoires and feel we belong - and for our archaïque brain, rejection can be felt like a real threat to our integrity. 

In that respect, rejection does not respond to a reason. We can still feel rejected and hurt even from people we don’t know. Thus the hurt we feel from not having a call returned after a first date or a no from a person I havent even met (apps)

It gets us to have strong emotions, mostly of anger - ruminations and people tend to roll on that for some time. Usually people tend to ruminate over the other person or the situation but that doesn’t lead us any where, it will only aggravate our state.  

If we take the time and we look a little bit inward and ask ourselves What am I feel, why does it hurt so much, what’s  behind my anger  we might discover : guilt - shame - hurt.  Those feelings are not very pleasant and we don’t like to feel them,  but doing so might help us move a little bit forward and let go. 

So how do we cope with rejection ?

What helps the most is reconnecting with those whom we love or reach out to members of groups to which we feel strong affinity and who value and accept us. That helps restore the feeling of belonging that was affected. 

What also helps, is looking inward and to ask oneself, what are those feelings teaching me about myself ? What are my patterns in relationship with all this.

In yoga there’s a say that I find very strong, that always reminds us of the impermanence of things, it’s : this too shall pass. To have in mind that what we are feeling is not here to stay helps somehow and makes us feel stronger.


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Nadine Gharios